The Two-Fisted Marshal: Thomas "Bear River" Smith

As a cop in New York on a tough Bowery beat,
Thomas "Bear River" Smith learned to never retreat.
He headed out West before
The tragic Civil War:
At first hauling freight before cleaning the street.

He took to cleaning when they gave him a star.
It weren't always easy, not easy by far.
In one vigilante rattle,
Fourteen died in the battle,
And it caused Smith to carry a deep unseen scar.

He still carried his pistol, but more often used skin.
He was a bare knuckle brawler with a sure knack to win.
From Bear River to Kit Carson,
And to Abilene like a parson,
He fought to keep peace when he brought outlaws in.

A brother lawman asked Smith to bring in two prey.
He took after Andrew McConnell and Moses Miles right away.
But Smith was waylaid,
And ax-chopped with a blade.
A sad tragic end to his legacy that day.

Poker Alice

Alice Ivers would become better known as "Poker Alice."
A teen bride whose husband was older and callous.
But he taught her about cards
With tricky sharps and friendly pards,
And it birthed a dream about having her own poker palace.

She was still a teen when she moved to Deadwood,
Where she was asked if she could deal cards, and she could.
Her husband was soon dead,
She became devoted to gambling instead,
And roamed the West like any good sharp would.

She smoked big black cigars and downed shots of whiskey.
She played for high stakes and dared to be risky.
She knew when to hold,
And she knew when to fold,
And there were times she did both if she began to feel frisky.

One thing she despised was a gambler who'd cheat.
And word got around that she always packed heat.
Her purse draw was quick,
And her dress draw quite a trick,
But more often than not the cheat would beat feet.

Alice was back up in Deadwood one August day,
When she was asked by Wild Bill Hickok if she wished to play.
But she couldn't sit in,
She had a promised game to win,
But she got a funny feeling as she turned to walk away.

Sometime later she heard a shot then shout.
She rushed to Saloon No. 10 to see what it's about.
Hickok lay dead.
Back-shooter McCall fled.
But they soon found the quivering cowardly lout.

As time moved on Alice married once more.
But his mediocre ways brought trouble to the door.
But when a man knifed her hubby,
She gut-shot the tubby,
And left him bellerin' and bleeding on the floor.

With a big win she bought a big spread.
But life threw in some unexpected dread.
The ranch flopped,
Her hubby dropped,
And Alice thought all her dreams were now dead.

Alice moved to Rapid City, a thriving western hub.
She found herself a new dream, sorta' like an English pub.
Just playing her cards,
And drinking with pards,
She never got her palace, but lived the rest of her life with a poker club.

Killing Gunman Bill Dunn

Bill Dunn was a hunter of men.
Hunting bounties was the trade of he and his kin.
Calvin, George, Dal, and Bee,
Brothers in a bloody family.
They spent most of their time engaged in some sin.

A road ranch was owned by the Brothers Dunn.
It was sometimes used by men on the run.
The men would salivate
Over teenage Rose, the bait,
Til each of her brothers came with a gun.

When Charley Pierce and Bitter Creek Newcomb came to spend the night,
They were caught by surprise like a deer in the light.
As a matter of course
Each stabled their horse,
Then were waylaid with an ambush done right.

When loading the bodies for a trip to town,
Newcomb -- thought dead -- started coming around.
No thought of their sister,
Just "a glass of water, Mister,"
But they sent him to Hell where no water is found.

Bill Dunn was with the posse that dropped Bill Doolin the same way.
But the townsfolk started wondering about their sense of fair play.
Bill tried to shift blame,
Using Frank Canton's name;
But his mouth charged a debt his body would have to pay.

Deputy Sheriff Canton faced Dunn on the streets of Pawnee.
And Dunn drew first for all witnesses to see.
But Canton was faster
To trigger his blaster,
And a head shot sent Bill Dunn to Death's mystery.

Hang the Archer Gang

The Archer Gang was a set of four brothers,
Who took after the Reno's and a slew of others.
Their reign of crime
Spanned decades of time
And they share the blame with moral-less fathers and mothers.

The Archers robbed stagecoaches, travelers, and trains.
Then they hid among kin like wheat among grains.
The Dalton's and James,
The Fords and other lames,
Had similar families with outlaw-like brains.

They played the "good neighbor" until money ran low,
Then they grabbed pistols and shotguns and got up to go.
They roamed far and wide
To fleece others then hide,
But their years of success just darkened each soul.

After years on the run a mad posse came callin'.
And when their women-folk heard they all started bawlin'.
Tom, John, and Mort,
Vigilantes did abort
With nooses 'round necks that sparked caterwallin'.

The youngest brother Sam made it to trial,
And was quickly convicted and lost his smug smile.
A noose was soon fetched
And Sam's neck was stretched,
And the townsfolk commenced to party awhile.

History records the Archer Gang with one of the longest crime waves.
But the end was still the same: it sent them to their graves,
Where the outlaw soul
Has one place to go,
To Hell's deepest hole with the volcanic caves.

Colorado Bill and the Hanging Judge

William Elliott, also known as "Colorado Bill;"
He didn't grow up a real man, just one who knew how to kill.
Four dead in four states
While Justice just waits,
And Bill stayed in the Choctaw Nation for a spell.

Then Bill killed David Brown and his soul became darker.
But the law ran him down and sent him off to Judge Parker.
Fort Smith's "Hanging Judge,"
On the law he wouldn't budge,
So Bill was hung and buried with a two-bit marker.

Sent to his Maker by a Preacher's Son

Cassius "Cash" Hollister -- once a mayor, but often a lawman --
Had a raucous temperament, more fitting to an outlaw clan.
But outlaws were bust,
Cash earned the town's trust
In the kill or be killed peace officer plan.

Cash was once fined for assaulting Frank Hunt.
With temper in check, lawbreakers took the brunt.
Then came a surprise,
To hear of Cash's demise,
Shot twice by the gun of a preacher's naughty runt.

Lynching Robert Lacy

Have you heard 'bout Robert Lacy, the outlaw, gunman, and gambler?
Shot several men down New Mexico way, roamin' the state like a rambler.
Some say he had a death omen
So he headed north to Wyomin'
And supported himself as a cheatin' card handler.

Up in Rawlins he continued the shady play.
Tapping out the citizens: several suckers a day.
But the town grew wise.
It sparked fire in their eyes.
And shouting vigilantes soon led the way.

They stormed the saloon where Lacy played draw and stud.
They grabbed him and his pal: another card sharping crud.
Both were dragged out
Amidst bellow and shout,
Then noosed and lynched, and cut down with a thud.

Hard Headed or Brainless: Outlaw Marvin Kuhms

"J.W. Wilson," the alias of Marvin Kuhms
Was most likely born under a whiskey moon.
Bank robber and thief,
Ten years spreading grief,
With the big bully style of a modern-day goon.

Instead of caressing curvaceous buns,
Kuhms was known to sleep with two guns.
So the posse he'd meet
Came in with stocking feet
And surprised him like a bad case of the runs.

Marshall Laird told him not to draw,
And waved his six-shooter close to Kuhms jaw.
But the ornery cuss
Did what he must,
Only to be shot in the head by the law.

Somehow Kuhms survived his foolish attempt,
And was sent to the pen with indignant contempt.
So when Kuhms made parole
He again chose to go
And steal for himself the life that he dreamt.

He figured he'd have to put in some hustle
To make up lost time, so he started to rustle.
But another brain fart
Doomed his plan from the start:
A farmer shot him dead when fearing a tussle.

A Lawless Lawman: Jack Helm

Jack Helm was a racist S.O.B.
Who wore the grey and favored slavery.
He even did wrong
Over a Yankee song
That a black man whistled with bravery.

And when there was no Civil War,
You could find him with a star that he bore
In the great state of Texas
Where he hated the Mex's,
And everyone else that's for sure.

Helm got caught-up in the Sutton-Taylor feud;
The type of duty that befit his evil mood.
A prime instigator,
He was head regulator,
And the days he didn't kill he'd sulk and brood.

His body count raised his reputation.
The Governor even gave him a new station.
But when deeds come to light
Causing citizens fright,
He's sent back to DeWitt for the duration.

John Wesley Hardin was one of Helm's foes:
A kin to the Taylor's, or so the story goes.
Several times they met,
Their back-ups vented and wet,
Yet Hardin and Helm escaped the death throes.

But in eighteen-seventy-three, in the month of July,
The two evil rivals would have one more try.
Helm came from the rear,
Hardin turned with a sneer,
To blast Helm with buckshot: his day to die.

Lincoln County War Survivor: Jim French

Jim French took part in the Lincoln County War.
From regulator to outlaw to settle a score.
Thought he flipped his lid
After joining Billy the Kid,
And nearly dying at McSween's general store.

French was there when Brady raved and cussed,
Just before he and Hindman bit the dust.
But the McSween episode
Turned his blood ice cold,
So he headed for "obscurity or bust."

James Copeland: land pirate

James Copeland the outlaw was known as a "land pirate"
Led a gang in Mississippi that were mean and irate
Adding to the gravity
He was known for depravity
And he did to the law what ladies do while they gyrate

He had rich benefactors, the family Wages
With dealings more "heathen" than painted Osages
They paid him to kill
But he never would tell
So he finally got the noose after nine years in cages

Lovers of Myra Belle Shirley: aka Belle Starr

Cole Younger and Belle fill under a spell

that lasted many a day.

He was on the run for things he had done

so they shacked up in a cabin to play.

Soon time was at hand, he rejoined the band,

leaving Belle who started to show.

Soon out popped a girl, who she named Pearl,

and it's still thought her father was Cole.

The next man to feed, a man named Jim Reed,

a robber just like the last.

The pair up and looted, then quickly scooted,

only to find they spent it too fast.

But Reed's luck was raw, and he was slow on the draw,

and so he bit the dust.

Yet it was soon found that a new beau was around,

Blue Duck now gave Belle his trust.

Their new gang would hustle the livestock they rustle,

and some would actually say these two did care.

It was proven when Blue Duck ran out of luck

and Belle did more than her share.

He was sentenced to die, the ol' "hang 'um high,"

but Belle kept the legal fight going.

There would be no noose, he was eventually cut loose,

but for Belle there would be no knowing.

Not one to tarry, Belle would soon marry

her aka namesake Sam Starr.

But their wheelin' and dealin' got them six-months for stealin',

and their romance was now from afar.

When they left jail behind, right back to the grind,

they always sought a dishonest dollar.

But Sam would soon fall, killed in a brawl,

and Belle found another man to collar.

His name was Jim July, another on the sly,

it was obvious Belle had the itch.

She packed her own gun, joined in on the fun:

today they'd just call her a "bitch."

But a life of crime dunks a soul in slime,

and there's always victims who hurt.

So when one is despised, don't be surprised,

like Belle... to be shot and left in the dirt.

Abilene: wild beginnings

In the early days of Abilene
A wide open town in Kansas it would seem
They had a few who served the law
Those quick on the draw
But for the most part it was wicked and mean

You would see a gunfight pert near every day
Many came to the town honest then started to stray
Life was an oddity
And death was a commodity
For residents in Abilene in its heyday

Many a souls there quaked and quivered
Hoping by day-break they'd be delivered
The drunks had stopped drinkin'
By morning they're stinkin'
And shoot 'um ups slowed cuz' gun hands shivered

But mornings turned to noon and then to night
And hangovers gave way to the call of dance hall delight
Between dealings quite shady
They'd court a scarlet lady
And just for kicks they'd cause someone fright

Cowboys and floozies danced cheek-to-cheek
Then turned and switched partners for a whole new treat
Cowboys chose pokin'
Or opium smokin'
Yes, every known sin was on an Abilene street

Don't turn down a drink or you'll be called out
Don't be caught with a hole-card or you'll feel a clout
Keep your horse off the pool table
And your paws off Aunt Mable
And you might live to see what Abilene's all about

It was thick with thieves and moral disease
With most everybody doing just as they please
But all the disorder
Lost to law and order
But a good hoop and holler can still be heard on the breeze

Dayton Graham: Arizona Ranger

From Bisbee Sheriff to Arizona Ranger
Dayton Graham lived a life of danger
But his feud with Bill Smith
In truth not a myth
Proved that he and Stubbornness were no stranger

When Graham and Tom Vaughn first met the outlaw
They were in Douglas but their plan had a flaw
They gave Smith an inch
And he drew in a pinch
And shot down both men of the law

A bullet to the neck laid Vaughn low
To the arm and chest had Graham about to go
On Death's door he did hover
But soon did recover
And he swore to give Smith the final blow

He took to the trail and started trackin'
And found him in a saloon chip stackin'
It was hot bullet weather
As both men slapped leather
And filled the saloon with shots crackin'

At that moment he remembered some sound advice
"Don't let an outlaw ever best ya' twice"
So three shots, one to the head
Left Bill Smith lying dead
Showing if you shoot a lawman beware of the price

Bob Meldrum: a bloody-handed lawman

Legend has it Bob Meldrum worked with Tom Horn
Though his ethics were different and his morals were torn
But he got 'er done
A quick-triggered gun
Who then found himself the subject of scorn

The star that he wore was bought and paid for
By mine owners and ranchers with profits galore
So they turned a blind eye
When more men did die
Then those who were locked behind a cell door

When Meldrum killed Bowen they threw him in jail
But the Snake River Cattlemen raised his huge bail
He then chose to scram
Six-years on the lam
Justice sometimes clearly moves like a snail

He chose to surrender and go through a trial
Some think it was rigged but they did it with style
A manslaughter conviction
With prison restriction
For five to seven years, "you'll be gone for awhile"

Yet just three months later Meldrum was free
Paroled to a rancher who took custody
So his life killing men
While still wearing tin
Would fade making saddles anonymously

Robert Williamson: Three-Legged Willie

Judge Robert Williamson was known as "Three-Legged Willie"
On account of a peg-leg he had attached to the knee
It looked mighty weird
Though the man was revered
For upholding the law in Shelby County

He set-up court behind the general store
And let folks know it wouldn't be lawless no more
Some were glad
Yet some were mad
And tried their best to run him out the door

A local rowdy saw the judge and started to snicker
Then he drew and threw his pig-sticker
It impaled the bench
But the judge didn't flinch
He knew brains over braun was quicker

"This is the law in Shelby County," barked the fool
So the judge drew his pistol to over-rule
His superior show
Made the heckler eat crow
And stand with his mouth agape about to drool

William "Bill" Brazzleton: stage robber

Bill Brazzleton the outlaw was vicious and mean
He killed his first man by the age of fifteen
He was full of surprises
Wore many disguises
When robbing stagecoaches of gold, silver, and green

He went from a traveling show to taking the stages
Giving up honest work for other mens' wages
But with such a switch
There's always a hitch
The law wants to put them in cages

His criminal life turned out fairly brief
So the local stage lines breathed a sigh of relief
One of Brazzleton's men
Choose to betray him
And the loss of his life brought no sobs, pain, or grief

Chandler Bank Robbery: the Bill Cook Gang

When the fierce Bill Cook Gang did steal
The Chandler Bank money with zeal
The Creek Light Horse Police
Chose to release
A posse to make the gang kneel

They tailed them 'crossed the Cherokee Strip
Yet several split-off like rats off a ship
But near Supulpa was found
Two outlaws a-ground
Who quickly pulled triggers and let bullets rip

Munson and Gordon were very irate
They had thought justice was blind in this state
But the posse gun fire
Made both men expire
And go straight away to seek out hell's gate

Kit Ross: back shooter

Kit Ross was a Cherokee half-breed
Who lived by a selfish creed
He started a feud
With an action quite rude
He rode into the Davis' house on a steed

Jonathan Davis ejected the drunk
With a few choice words, like "you skunk"
He protected his wife
Who was sick during the strife
And did not need the hassle from a punk

Davis let the event fade away
While Ross let hatred gain sway
After two years passed
Ross' time came at last
To pull the trigger on a sad sorry day

Davis said he thought there'd be snow
And Ross agreed with him... though
He then drew his piece
And two shots did release
And both to his back don't you know

It was obvious Ross had been drinking
When he gave-in to this criminal inkling
But then at Fort Smith
His plea turned to myth
He would not go free cuz' booze did his thinking

No boozer believes in responsibility
He told the jury, "they done it to me"
And the day of his sentence
Still no repentance
He'd go to his Maker still ignorant as can be

Joe Stinson: gunslinging bar keep

From soldier to miner to bar keep slinging lead
Quick temper, quick trigger, though few ended dead
He drank away fame
Which altered his aim
He even missed a kill at point-blank to the head

Reddy McCann was the man, or so the story goes
The man was disfigured, lost part of his nose
The two had fought early
McCann came back more surly
Yet Stinson chose bullets over more manly blows

The alcohol habit did Joe Stinson in
Rye whiskey, rye whiskey -- no beer and no gin
A drink at all cost
Til everything lost
He died in a "home" piss-poor in his sin