Poker Alice

Alice Ivers would become better known as "Poker Alice."
A teen bride whose husband was older and callous.
But he taught her about cards
With tricky sharps and friendly pards,
And it birthed a dream about having her own poker palace.

She was still a teen when she moved to Deadwood,
Where she was asked if she could deal cards, and she could.
Her husband was soon dead,
She became devoted to gambling instead,
And roamed the West like any good sharp would.

She smoked big black cigars and downed shots of whiskey.
She played for high stakes and dared to be risky.
She knew when to hold,
And she knew when to fold,
And there were times she did both if she began to feel frisky.

One thing she despised was a gambler who'd cheat.
And word got around that she always packed heat.
Her purse draw was quick,
And her dress draw quite a trick,
But more often than not the cheat would beat feet.

Alice was back up in Deadwood one August day,
When she was asked by Wild Bill Hickok if she wished to play.
But she couldn't sit in,
She had a promised game to win,
But she got a funny feeling as she turned to walk away.

Sometime later she heard a shot then shout.
She rushed to Saloon No. 10 to see what it's about.
Hickok lay dead.
Back-shooter McCall fled.
But they soon found the quivering cowardly lout.

As time moved on Alice married once more.
But his mediocre ways brought trouble to the door.
But when a man knifed her hubby,
She gut-shot the tubby,
And left him bellerin' and bleeding on the floor.

With a big win she bought a big spread.
But life threw in some unexpected dread.
The ranch flopped,
Her hubby dropped,
And Alice thought all her dreams were now dead.

Alice moved to Rapid City, a thriving western hub.
She found herself a new dream, sorta' like an English pub.
Just playing her cards,
And drinking with pards,
She never got her palace, but lived the rest of her life with a poker club.

John McCall: little coward, big mouth

John McCall never accomplished much

he couldn't even hunt buffalo alone;

his worth was less than a shattered gem.

Ever wonder where a coward came from?

Well, this one came from Kentucky,

though Kentucky probably wishes it could disown him.

The only thing he's known for

is one of the most despicable acts of the old west:

the cowardly backshootin' of Wild Bill Hickok,

puttin' Hickok's seatin' fears ta' the test.

He then ran like a rabbit chased by the fox,

they found him cringing in the barber shop.

They clapped him in irons an' took him ta' jail,

but Deadwood justice turned out ta' be a flop.

McCall piled lie upon lie, an' judge an' jury bought it,

not one smart enough ta' investigate.

On the day Hickok was buried McCall was acquitted,

not one lie did he have ta' corroborate.

Scared fer' his life, fearin' Hickok's friends,

McCall hopped in the saddle an' fled.

Off ta' Cheyenne an' Laramie, ta' bask in his freedom,

an' drink away the guilt, fear, an' dread.

But men with little deeds need ta' talk big,

an' whiskey helps loosen the lips.

Then a deputy marshall overheard the boast,

an' clamped the "little-big man" in irons again.

An' the Deadwood verdict was dismissed,

cuz' justice was waitin' fer' him in Yankton.

McCall had talked himself right out of his lies,

he left himself without a defense.

Which made it easy fer' this jury ta' see

it was McCall who initiated the offense.

"Guilty you were, an' guilty you are,

an' guilty you always will be."

Then McCall appealed ta' President Grant,

"Please pardon an' set me free."

The President said, "I will not intervene...

You made yer' bed...

It's time you laid in it an' slept."

So with the appeal denied, an' hanging date set,

McCall uncontrollably wept.

Eighteen-seventy an' seven, the day was March 1st,

McCall to the gallows did go.

He cried an' he quaked, trembled an' begged,

he showed all his cowardly soul.

He then shouted, "Oh, God!" as the trap was released,

an' before God he would surely then stand.

Where he'd try once more ta' lie his way free,

it's the mark of his cowardly brand.

But God is not mocked, McCall is then shocked,

eternity is the price of the bill.

His cowardly act of killing Hickok

bought him his ticket ta' hell.